Into The Grey
by LunaSetsuna
Summary: 5 years ago Allen was claimed dead after helping Alma and Kanda out of the order during a Noah attack. Yet when the reports of his death are proven to be false having lived 5 yrs of experimentation on both the Orders & The Earls behalf leaving the now 20yr old hurting inside & out after turned into a Sand Cat. Can Kanda save his Moyashi? Can together with their friends end the War?
1. Chapter 1

A-

Allen hissed in pain panting not daring to turn around hoping that the akuma had also gotten lost in the forest skidding to a halt sniffing the air carefully relaxing ever so slightly as his silent paws barely stirred the plants under him carefully shifting across the ground keeping his entire body low to the ground hiding within the shrubs his sensitive ears hearing the voices before his eyes could see them as lone tear sliding free in suffering watching the small group whom he never thought he see again the same group he could never rejoin or eve interact with.

"Yuuchan come on I was joking where are we come on tell me don't tell me where lost omg where lost you got us lost I'm sooo telling everyone this when we get out!" Lavi laughed bouncing back skilfully due to years of practice to dodge the katana.

"Lavi that's enough. Kanda are we lost I can always check where we are from the tree tops." Lenalee spoke calming he vague irritation in her voice.

"che, where not lost nor are we taking a detour the thingy said it was this way so where going this way end of fucking story." Kanda hissed sending a shiver down Allen's spine.

With a sigh Lenalee shook her head giving a tiny smile at pandas reaction Lavi resuming his bouncing, Allen keeping low to the ground tensely barely shifting letting his mind drift away from the faint bitter-sweet memories echoing in the back of his mind in order to focus on the akuma and the innocence trying desperately to ignore his Noah uncle.

"_**Allen go after them you miss them go you don't have to do this."**_

"_no, they have moved on I don't wish to bring back bad memories, besides we'd never be able to be friends now, them being in this place changes nothing." _Allen mental returned calmly and coldly waiting to hear the mental sigh and feel Neah backing down before moving trying to lure the akuma after him while leading his once old friends away from the innocence despite how it tuged the emotions he had been fighting daily to remove.

_Just a little more, I will walk I will end this._ The boy mentally coached himself threw the familiar lines resuming his careful movements threw the thick forest, relying on his senses to avoid everything wincing slightly feeling his innocence respond to another fragment of itself, sitting down to look up the tall tree the shard was in before relaxing, _it burns for a second but, but then it numbs you takes you and leaves you just caught in the grey_. Allen whimpered as his crystal type innocence swallowed the shard crushing it before the innocence merged with his own the already bulky rosary like collar gaining ye another small chain adding to its Gothic like nature.

"_**Allen akuma left nine hundred meters and approaching fast levels three to seven be careful."**_ Neah warned quickly.

The small finger nodding giving the tiniest of hisses ash is innocence activated the crown rosary as Allen had mentally remained it splitting a few chains sinking into the ground creating a healing mist another segiments helping strengthening his tiny figurer his claws strengthening being covered with innocence along with his fang, more covering his overly sensitive ears to help buffer against the high pitch sounds made by the akuma and to help blocking him from any sonic attacks. the rest spinning around as small weapons ready for use the whole process only taking second as he crouched low to the ground shifting his weight ready to strike the first one to enter the clearing the projectile chains stabbing the akuma from all directions causing the horde to fire randomly completely missing his hiding space before he lunged onto the level seven his claws and fangs sinking deep before using the explosion to bounce onto the next akuma flipping in the air not giving them the chance to react.

The level six giggled crooning "come out come out where ever you are it time to go home and play~~~ lets play lets play tee~~"

Allen shivered pausing his adult in fear the memories springing to his mind against his will Neah struggling to calm him the Noah's voice lost under the suffering his had faced tears leaking from the sliver eyes one of the chains warping around his tiny sand cat form moving to calm him another covering his eyes giving him the few seconds unfortunately this also gave the remain akuma time to prepare themselves the mass of akuma attacking the group Allen didn't wish to interact them wincing as a mini akuma or Yokai as Allen had begun to call the little bug like devices that haunted a majority of his nightmares activated forcing his tiny kitten shaped body to start its shift to human tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as another Yokai grabgrabbed his arm.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Allen screeched hissing the innocence claws shredding the device in a tiny explosion before twisting the destroy remanding 4 akuma hissing eyes narrowed into slits as he dealt with the Yokai's. "IM NOT GOING BACK!"

Kanda was the first to snap out of his shock rounding on the devices carving the open quickly before whipping mugen clean insuring his weapon was in its natural peak position. Lavi and Lenalee moving to focus on Allen watching the chains reverse back into the rosary chocker, the girl making the first few steps towards their friend the boy snarling crouching backwards like a cat eyes unseeing what was in front of him lost in the past due to the akuma's words, before gold seeped into to his eyes within seconds his body changing its posture.

"**Allen relax sleep… not to sound rude but I believe its best that I take my leave yeast Allen suffer any more"** Neah's refined warm voice echoed firm Allen's vocal cords.

"Noah What the fuck did you do to the moyashi."

"**why would I harm Allen? His father was my part of my true family, the family I denied the earl to have. Allen is all I have left, why am I even speaking to you when Allen himself decided earlier not to involve you children."** Golden eyes rolled taking a step backwards into the shrubs shivering slightly eyes widening looking down to see blood wincing placing a hand over the wound controlling his Noah genes to heal the gaping hole trying to recall when Allen got hurt.

Within seconds Neah found himself pinned to a tree staring down the long well cared for well loved katana belong to the one being that Allen had endured for, the other two moving to copy pandas quick actions a shiver going threw the currently shared humanoid body sensing more Yokai moving to get closer quickly opening and closing agate under them keeping the small group with them partially so the order didn't learn about Allen's current existence and also to help his nephew knowing that if anyone could help bring the boy back to full sanity it would be he three mentally trying to work out what to do or say.

"talk. Now."

"**that is Allen's story to tell. But I suppose if I don't give hints the boy will keep avoiding it… I suggest you don't mention the earl around him nor that inspector, they are the cause of Allen's suffering. Those mini akuma like things are 'Yokai' as Allen's been calling them akuma made out of pets where someone manages to get his attentions over a pet they lost their not a strong as a true akuma but their trouble some and made whole and solely to capture Allen after road and I helped him escaped, there are three main types of Yokai they are tracers, barriers, flash. Tracers act like golom's, barriers can create shields to hide akuma and also trap exorcists mainly Allen inside making it easiers for akuma and forcing innocence to deactivate. Flash is a system that only effect Allen this currently is a side effect Allen will return to 'normal' soon."** Neah spoke board sitting down by the piano stretching waiting for the familiar pinching sensation before the transformation back to sand cat.

"what the fuck!" Kanda hissed as Lavi moved closer barely getting within a foot of the small sand cat before sliver eyes opened and hissed violent.

"Allen ?" Lenalee whispered kneeling down tears in her eyes.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" the familiar voice echoed from the tiny Arabic mammal Lavi pulling his hand back as Allen panted weakly swaying for a second before taking off Kanda garbing him by the scruff of his neck pulling him to his own eye level wincing when the kitten sized cat bit him struggling failing in terror.

"Moyashi. Ow dammit Allen!" Kanda hissed watching the cat go limp eyes locking on pandas own cobalt pair.

"my name…" Allen's voice whispered the sliver eyes watering trembling within the tight grip.

"_**Allen breath come on its ok see shhh come one Allen there there I know I know."**_ Neah's mental whispering came threw helping the sand cat relaxed.

"Allen? Its me Lena ?where have you been it been five years Allen where have you been all this time what going on?"

The cat trembled "I have to go, let me go, let me go."

Lavi's eye narrowed "Allen, calm down we wont ask any more ok were your friends we trust you I only have one question how the hell are you a sand cat? Their not native here nor are they tame it suits you but at the same time I don't understand please?"

"**Allen, calm down now relax and breath your not there your safe now."** Neah's voice echoed lightly for a second the crowned rosary shifting its feathery chains stroking its owner despite the death grip Kanda had on its owner.

"shh I wont ask ok I wont ask just tell me one day ok come one lets go home."

Kanda hissed as Allen's fangs peirced his skin a second time the and cat fighting claws out his innocence lashing out in sync as Neah's voice echoed struggling to calm Allen down ordering the innocence to stop Lenalee garbing Allen when Kanda finally dropped him wrapping him in her jacket hugging him close humming soothingly waiting for his struggle to stop wincing ever so often when the jacket couldn't protect her from his claws Allen finally passing out in exhaustion as a finger mover into the group checking the small creatures temp.

"Neah how is he?"

"**his bodies struggling but he'll be fine once people stop sending him into flash backs dual mole"**

"two dots." Kanda growled as his arm healed.

"I advice against taking him anywhere near the order, I left due to learning how corrupt it was not that Allen has made it any easier crushing innocence like he did today."

"**he didn't destroy it dual mole, he'd never destroy it besides its what his innocence dose unlike that abomination, after al the heart gets what the heart wants."** Neah spat growling letting Allen's body rest physically manifesting his soul sitting on a log.

"how corupt are we taking." Lavi spoke calmly in book man mode as Lenalee and link tended to Allen

"levier ran a few human experimentation tests on walker before calling the earl to take the boy off his hands the tests resumed after road contacted me where I was trying to break in with the help of Johnny, he's waiting in town the pair of us have been following Allen despite hi constant attempts to run away. The test levier did gave Allen's innocence the chance to become the first crystal parasite Neah's blood regrew Allen's arm in the process, the earl was the one to do the rest… that's all I know."

"**Allen's to traumatised to speak of it, nor will I defy his wishes he decided earlier that these three change nothing he hadn't meant to run into them he merged then a Yokai and some level six a and up arrived the Yokai did it normal trick and these three saw it."**

"Johnny he's alive?" Lenalee smiled overjoyed that to peopled she had believed dead where alive her eye swimming with tears.

"yes, asides some cat scratches and bites he gained from touching Allen and his refusal to see a damn doctor he's alive, I'm sure by know you seen how he reacts to being touched its seem to be one of the top five things you can do or say near him." link spoke calmly moving over to insure pandas arm had fully harmed without any off Allen's innocence cuts remaining knowing first hand how much those stun.

" **yes defiantly, being touched mentioning the earl or that inspector or telling him to return to the order are even worse then him discovering a debt left by cross."** Neah added gently his ghost like form smiling petting Allen's small head gently.

"how are we to learn what happened to the moyashi with out anyone of you telling us if we ask him hell panics and Lena you have to call your brother get a local and extended mission were not leaving that like damn martyr" Kanda snarled link and Neah both bursting into laughter of the second exorcist protective streak.

"**I suppose theirs no really harm in letting you view the nightmare hews having.."** Neah murmured gently the group including link sneaking closer to where Allen was still bundled up in Lenalee's coat like a kitten who's owner was planing babies and or house.

Allen pov-

sliver eyes blinked open feeling something nearby before h could hear them the new ears stung at the smallest of sounds so used to the quiet need for hunting yet another thing that he was struggling to adapt to yet, gold eyes locked down at him with a smile as gloved fingers made their way to the base of his neck gently stroking in a way that mimicked kindness, Allen's heartbeat began to speed up seeing the Noah's face and trying to move his weak body away from the soothing fingers in fear of Tyki, it wouldn't be the first time the Noah of pleasure had entered pretending to be kind and wantting to help before leaving him screaming in pain and begging for death one the very thing both sides of this stupid pitiful war denied him.

"now now shouen relax your going to need that strength of yours to eat, I bet that innocence of yours must be starving after so long. Shhh don't worry where not going to send in any more akuma in stead come to think of it I left 'Lunch-Chan' out side how very rude of me." Tyki smiled warming pulling his fingers away.

Allen's eyes widening in horror as the Noah dragged a child roughly ten inches shorter then he was when he was human and seeing that made him look like he was ten one third of the time, it wasn't until Tyki yanked the terrified child forward that Allen could see why they had caught the child her legs both of them where made of innocence like his arm was in the past to make it even more unnereving they had a high sync rate seeing that both legs where black with the hidden semi flower like pattern that only his current eyes could see trailing up like a flower on the verge of blooming once again the green cross marks beating in time with her heart as the girl struggled crying for her family lashing out at the Noah only going silent once Tyki grabbed her pulling her into his full sight.

"now now Allen don't struggle you know very well how much they hurt~ don't worry I'm sure lunch chan will be very sweet we had to go over seas for find such a delicacy for you."

both Allen and the girl slumped unresisting starring in terror at the Noah as Tyki ran his fingers along her neck place a tease in the centre

"NOW PLEASE LET HER GO PLEASE!" Allen screeched his screams echoing off the wall lashing out despite the small Tasser Yokai zapping him painfully watch as Tyki walked over to him smiling before whispering just loud enough for the two exorcists to here.

"you'll eat eventually Allen walker sand cat or not that innocence of your will make you the only differences will be what meal of the day that child will be and weather her blood will be warm. I'll be back in a week I suggest you've eaten by then or my cute tease will let her bleed out slowly."

in terror the girl looked at the small sand cat. "kitty? talk?"

Allen's eyes watered a child a damn child "yes, yes kitty talk... what's your name?"

"Maria, Maria Kazuya, I'm nine I want momma kitty, I'm scared is kitty scared is that why your crying?"

"yes, I'm scared that I cant help you I cant seem to help anyone ever more I'm sorry.." Allen trained off crying harder in misery, god why wasn't he dead why wouldn't the memories just burn away like they where meant to. He didn't want to remember- The dark night, The hard fight, the long climb up the hill knowing the cost, the brave death, the last breath, the silent whispering all hope was lost, the thunder, the wonder, A power that brings the dead back to life. Why couldn't he just forget why couldn't his innocence just let him die Lenalee would hit him for thinking like this Lavi would probably try to hug him then go silent when he panics over being touched, Kanda...

another chocked sob left the small kitten lips twisting the sound into a tiny mewl the girl dragging her self over bravely despite knowing that the people who brought her here where ever hear was brought her to be fed to this small sobbing creature retching out slowly to touch the tips of his fluffy ears fear sparking threw Allen's sorrow going completely silent watching the small girl, who gave a tiny smile here eyes flashing silver as here legs seemingly melted off into a small pair of innocence crystals the girl instictivly picking the rapidly liquidising sliver stones bringing them to his mouth.

"it might not be like but this will make you better right it will help you kitty I want to help you so please don't cry." the little girl whimpered before humming a few bares of a song Neah's power shivering gently at the music urging Allen to sing with the girl despite nighter of them being able to recall anything but the tune of some forgotten lullaby

The continued to sing and sleep for then next few weeks despite both of them staving maria was all skin and bones and had restored to sucking her thumb trying to mentally trick her self as Allen did everything possible to keep her hopes up waiting for Tyki's return almost glad when the man entered the windowless cell the tease leaving maria's neck to perch of Tyki's shoulder as Allen lunged digging his claws and fangs into the Noah's face despite how weak he felt maria made a fast crawl to the door only to be shot by the pair of twins the small girl flopping backwards into the cell as Tyki's gold eyes turned more of a melichrous sparkle to it as the Noah crushed his small bones inside his hand forcing the pitiful cat like yowls and scratches in pain till the long blonde haired twin put a hand on the Noah of pleasure shoulder shaking his head over doing more then the damage that the earl approved of being done to the small silvery cat before the smile turned in to a frown, the word was spinning despite the oxygen finally filling his lungs but it was cut off very quickly as the man chose to shove Allen hard into the splattered remains of maria's head coughing up the blood that keep slipping into his blood feeling the Noah place a yokai barrier to keep Allen in side the rapidly cooling corpse.

"Bone atpte Shouen." Tyki snarled slamming the door.

Allen whimpered as the small body moved without his will moving on instinct and at the innocence demand licking some of the gooey grey meat as Allen countlessly began to retch feeling ill, mentally begging anything and everything his innocence to god hell even to the earl to make this stop to please not have to eat the child his struggled lasted a month before everything seemed to fade and blur two months later the earl and Tyki came in smiling on finding the gory stained ball crying covered in bite marks from where Allen had tried to bite off his paws after giving up on praying for his innocence to stop he didn't want any of this but his innocence demanded to keep him alive physically just pulling him around like a rag doll just as it did when killing the only person who ever truly cared killing the person the only person whom he had relaxed and let his wishes exist around The cursed gem not even heading Allen's cries of betray the boy as his soul felt like it would fracture in its screams for a Noah to taking him out of the room for a test and experiment death hell even destroying a bit of innocence rather then being made feed to the corpse of a nine year old. A corpse that was nothing mover then sparkling white bones licked clean of blood and a pool of vomit as the kitten for expelled what it couldn't digest.

Kanda was crying a hand over his mouth the only thing stopping his from following Lenalee and Lavi as the ran to puke the whole group in tears despite Allen still being asleep as the torturous memories began to replay over and over in his sleeping mind, Neah watching weakly as link slowly returned being the first of the one who had lost their lunch to be able to return to the group the highly trained soldier raised to be even more emotionless then both the second and third exorcists and book man clan combined had lost it complete true around Allen he often acted more on what his heart and gut stated then his orders but the gruesome nature of what one Noah alone had done to him was too much it broke into a complete different realm of the horrors the earl had done unto exorcist and the rest of the world one such being sending twelve year old road out to rip out the hearts of exorcists and generals several goloms had caught the child crying after her sickeningly sweet song about looking for the heart ended and many times had fingers arrived on scene to find bunches and or crows of what ever flowers where near by.

"**poor thing, still traumatised by such a minor incident I'll have to have a word with kokoro about this now wonder he do sent trust eigter of us despite us always being a part of him..."** Neah trailed off rubbing away a few tears.

"MINOR INCIDENT YOU CALL THAT MINOR HOW DARE YOU!" Lavi snapped.

His lone eye narrowed into a pool of virrdian snarling in rage for Allen he wasn't mad at his friend his wasn't disgusted he nor did he pity Allen in any way what had a happened was beyond anything he had witnessed before joining and even during his times of merely being a book man apprentices however grandpa had always gotten up set and mad when it was kid involved they always suffered the worse thus he knew that the old panda wouldn't mind Lavi blowing up about the incident his friend had suffered a child whom had innocence both had died in a way true Allen was still living but that was merely a state of life, that was simply existing not truly being the lively little moyashi whom had helped him provoke a smile from their friends hell he was a broken mess that all of his book man urges demanded that he set back up like a broken puzzle or a toy that had a lawn mover go over it he had to make things right AND yet the NOAH the reason HIS FRIEND suffer within the orders wall the reason SO MANY FUCKING morons forgot that Allen was A CHILD whom Care far too much for his own good sometime DARED call it a minor incident!

Kanda was over more the less the same as Lavi only glad that Lavi had yet to truly explode the small hammer warping on Lavi's belt ready to shift and evolve in order to accept and channelled its owners fury Neah turned only paling for a second before giving a bitter smile.

"**Of course it minor on a scale of one to ten that barely rats a two on the things my host has suffered threw out his life after all you barely saw any Noah there now did you? The fact the earl showed merely meant that they where ready to swap him up for the next torture, I was the one who had to sit their and watch Allen's suffering because the boy refused to had himself to me I would have locked him deep in his mind and let him rest but some red head moron had to go tell the poor child that when I took over it would be my right to kill whoever that boy cared for the most not that I would or probably even could take on Mr stick up the but samurai as the boy dubbed him hell I don't even know the person how could I kill them with out knowing what they look like !? But Naturally Allen's far too stubborn for his own good refusing one the off chance of me killing off one of the pathetic people in the order whom sold him off and left him for dead! Did you lot look for him on hearing the words Allen walkers dead no you mourned a little like good little humans and then you decided to forget him for the war!"** Neah ranted in loathing Kanda flinching at the implications

Allen had cared Allen didn't want him to die true he had known that the little resilient moyashi had done so much for the sake of being friend , Allen knew when to back away from him when he was in a foul mood willing to talk and help him threw the random talkative moods and depression, helped him escape to spend time with someone who was partially his sibling and half of himself true they had attempted a sexual friends with benefits for a while but he didn't think Allen would want more hell their first was due to an innocence in the hands of a old matchmaker who thought they looked like a cute couple the second was all Koumi's fault! True he had wanted more but like hell was he going to ask for it like hell would he let the moyashi as cute ands as deadly as the teen was be the seme oh no if Allen wanted to date openly the kid had to be the one to ask. Yes they had said no string but that left louse ends for all things.

The fact that Neah had just admitted that Allen loved him just made the Japanese man want to slam his head into something hard repetitively while cursing how stubborn both he and Allen where personally blaming both of them, no wonder Allen's reaction to his name while being held by him. Lavi was still focusing on the Noah the pair squabbling violently as Lenalee and link tried to restrain the pair Kanda only just barely snapping out of it yanking Allen by the hind leg pulling him into his arms like a doll holding all four of his paws in way that relaxes cats and makes it hard for them to scratch

"Allen moyashi walker if you even think of trying to run off or bite me again so help you I'll.." Kanda hissed gently.

"you'll what hit me? Break my bones? Go on Kanda try it I'm more resilient then you think."

"I'll fucking kiss you till you pass out you god damn moyashi. Like hell am I just letting you vanish like that did you know I returned to the order to look for you hell I kick that cunt in the nuts cause he dared say your name in the same sentence as dead while giving me that bull shit look he did when he said that about Alma, Ma chan still out their following your trial of debts looking for you for me while I help get all of your moronic friends to safety to different safe house that bastard red head general of yours has around the world in the tiniest and remotest yet still comfortable locations!" Kanda snarled gentle leaning in so he was nose to nose and able to breath in the relaxing scent of there lover.

Lenalee let go of Lavi spinning on the spot to kick Kanda "You Prick you said they died on those missions with you!"

" you had goloms on you both at all times like hell was I going to risk anything the whole fing plan was to wait till the pope died so one of crosses friend could take over but its taking to long and there are complications beside the only reason I'm doing it was so I could find the moyashi."

"why?" the girl spoke looking at how the older man was current holding all the cat boys eyes widening before struggling.

"You said Just Friends no strings dammit Kanda don't you dare pull this one me now I cant take it let me go I have to go LET GO OF ME YU!" Allen hissed struggling Lavi and Neah falling silent instantly eyes on Allen's struggling as Kanda held him tight.

"you two..."

"innocence and then Koumi all before the ark just the two times, moyashi if you don't stop I will make good of my threat you know that as well as I do that where just as fing stubborn as each other your 'uncle' confirmed it." Kanda smirked spitting out the word uncle Neah gulping at Allen's seething glare.

"I KNEW I KNEW IT YAY NOW GRMPS OWES ME YES YES !" Lavi squealed.

Allen hissing in agony of the sound Kanda locking torn between attacking and continue holding Allen tightly so the boy couldn't try leaving, both both glad for Lenalee whom then spun and roundhouse kicked her boyfriend in the face with her innocence activated before continuing the pirouette back to be facing the now comfrimed lovers while link and near tried to see if the red haired rabbit was still fine.

"start talking." Lenalee spoke hand on her hips.

"It might be best to do this in town with Jhonny would be best rather then need to repeat the conversation?" link suggested as Neah faded back out of sight Kanda nodding before yelping as a near by bird exploded into a yokai.

Allen's eyes narrowed lunging at it tearing it to shreds in mid airs as it flashed forcing his body into human state, landing on his hands a feet lightly activating his eyes trying starting a search as his innocence activated to cover his naked flesh and protect him in case of more of the annoying pests that plagued its wielder, Kanda acting quickly to yank Allen back into his arms knowing the other would flee first chance he got.

"Don't touch me let me go!" the feral snarl came from Allen's lips only to be silenced by pandas own the taller older man holding Allen's head still till Allen was next to passing out before scooping his moyashi into his arms one hand warping under the innocence formed clothing so that even the smallest of squirms would cause him to grind into the samurai's hand.

"told you I always make good on my threats now be good and sit still." Kanda taunted carefully enjoying Allen's very weak glare.

Johnny smiled at the group as he scurried around the small hotel room to allocate beds for everyone deciding to split the room ever so slightly that they each have a selected space even if it was only until they could change locations to another hotel. Link carefully tending to everyone rooms while Lenalee chatted to her old scientist friend talking about all of the ones still back at the order while Kanda held Allen still trying to get the stubborn terrified boy to relax enough to talk openly about what was going on needing to know what happened before contacting cross.

"fine, fine if you'll let me go I'll talk one question each no more." Allen hissed despite still being in his human form eyes watering with tears trembling mentally deciding that after spilling they would abandon him.

The group sat down instantly as Kanda carefully placed Allen off his lap but still in garbing distance, Allen doing his best to keep himself calm and blank, while Lenalee handed everyone a cup of tea each of them mentally choosing a question.

"how are you a sand cat?" Lavi spoke tonelessly.

"because its my real form now... I died very early on in the earls 'care... they tried to talk my organs grind them up and surgically place only Neah into this sand cat, but it failed my innocence followed to to being crystal type due to the order my innocence took me with it I don't recall anything but pain at the time I'm not sure if the animal was alive or dead when they did the surgery I woke in a animal racy cage inside the earls room lulubell was the one to tell me that I had been a cat the last ten months before telling the earl that yes Neah's transplant worked but I was still here thus is was a failure not to mention my innocence refused to let them touch me for several weeks." Allen spoke tonelessly unconsciously stroking the mass of innocence acting as a collar on his form not his own innocence but all the ones that had merged with it.

"the innocence" link followed Allen turning to face him.

"the clown crown is only a fragment that was in my hand when Tyki killed me in edo he didn't know that their was an innocence on his gloves his actions let it cling to my true innocence the heart his actions awoke part of his nature of restoring itself by taking in and melding with other shards, as a human it was too much to keep me alive and also fight the akuma, when the clown crown became crystal type it made things easier taking my life out of danger in my current true for it sent the clown crown to act as the main base of the collar the small lace chains and gems are the majority of innocence that the heart has exorcised then melded to itself the process can only be done if the innocence is crystal or powered which is why it appears to destroy it in doing this its stabilising my soul

to this body. Innocence dosen't have that long of a life span only a few years before it does dormant occasional it senses something and it wakes which is how the oldest of myths relives and exorcists are sent out."

"how do you find the innocence was what I was asking Allen." link finished Allen nodding talking the true question.

"I find it because when the innocence becomes dormant the heart beings to burn need to locate the rest of its self, thus it channels my curse which also followed me into this form. Innocence even more so dormant ones never stay by their host even active ones if the sync rate isn't all that high wont stay twenty four seven with its accommodate seeing the ones in the order used to make me smile, the reason it strays is to find its true masters a good majority at the order are accommodate who's fragments haven't met them yet, in the current group out side of battle I have never seen Lavi's stay with him, Lenalee's normally is one step ahead of Lena your self.

normal leaving to the next of your daily activities by the time you arrive it focuses on checking all the other fragments making sure they are comfortable like you insure your brother and ever one else is. Mugen however is one of the odd occasions where the innocence never leaves his side in all manners the one time it did was during Alma rampage during this mugen and Alma's innocence huddled on the floor crying begging for you both to stop at that time they where sitting literally at road and my owns feet. Road is the only Noah who can see innocences true form threw her dreams when we where in pandas memories she continuously lent down to hug them promising that it would be ok that you two would stop fighting. That's two questions, Lena, Kanda, Johnny I suggest you think careful of what you want me to say because I'm not going to bother hiding anything."

the group shivered at the chilling statement Lavi wincing writing down a brief summary for his mentor after catching Allen's eye for approval the currently human sand cat giving a small sad nod knowing that one of them where going to ask something he wouldn't be able to make himself answer in pain glad the so far everything had been fairly basic stuff that he had accepted the facts and was able to move on from rather then reliving nightmares at the merest vibe of the topics.

"earlier with the yokai is that what your calling them why didn't you sense it?" Lenalee asked deciding not to give into her personal want of demanding why Allen didn't give them a sign of being alive.

"they where designed to not be seen by me. As a human before I could see lots of things many I tuned out to focus on the bigger and more dangerous things my eye could see, the scale as it saw had akuma on the top as they where generally the strongest and most pitiful and where why I had the curse in the first place, the next wash human ghosts but I could see those before being cursed had had been taught how to pass on their soul long before meeting the general

The next was innocence and accommodate but most of the time that skill was useless unless it was to find Kanda but even then id end up lost due to it id follow the innocence spirit rather then going to where its actual form was the order was a complex building and with my lack of directional skills made things difficult their where so many sprits and people merged together floating and running around that I had to turn it of to avoid getting a head ache so I tuned it out.

Then are humans which I also tuned out not seeing why I need to see their auras all the time that skill was only good if I to know when was a smart time to shut up least be beheaded or when someone need to be cheered up it also was handy to know when to duck beer bottles and when to run and hide when the general was too drunk to notice I wasn't one of his hookers.

Under that was animals but I never felt any real threat from them so again I tuned them and the next layer under them thinking they would never be needs their where only a few times I dealt with the ghost of an animal and thus it never really matters the ghosts of animals most of the time where merely consider over their owners and were content to pass on or wait for their masters to join them.

The earl created yokai to hide under those to bottom ones knowing that to see them I need to being seeing all states at the same time thus id eigter go mad or collapse due to the dizzying imagery of all colliding into my main vision meaning I would be pretty much blind un-able to tell one thing from another, thus they sit at the very bottom but their smell gives it away if I can get them fast and when other scents arent clouding my judegement." Allen finished the monotone description shoot the odd small glare at Kanda as he continued.

The group winced, not over the dispcriptions and the threat but more over all himself his entire demeanour was nothing like the ones they had seen in the past, this Allen was sharp like a whip but empty nothing reflected in his eyes asides the odd bits of hatred and fear even now Allen was shivering ever so slightly as if he was going to try to flee at the tiniest loud sound making them wonder what happened to the boy they knew and loved what happened to their Allen?

"what happen moyashi" Kanda spoke aloud.

"what do you mean by that Kanda? I said questions not a full summary of every little thing."

"what happened to you moyashi I mean to your heart true you lied like no to more with that god-damn annoy faked happiness but still there nothing of you that's the same and yet there are traces what kept them there when the rest of you is gone. What happened to the real you." Kanda continued Allen's eyes widening a fraction shoulders slumping.

"id rather not say its embarrassing and none of your business Kanda"

"hell no answer moyashi I mean it."

"memories... I think the innocence or Neah kept replaying them on me the first that always replayed first then if I was relay out of it the rest would block out everything making me relive them over and over till I relaxed... its embarrassing the first that would play." Allen's voice returned to what they where used to eyes fogged over the smallest of smiles hinting on his lips.

"go on tell." Johnny smiled warm Allen snaping out of his daze returning to the emotionless state.

"it merely something Kanda said... he found me after an integration refusing to go to the infirmary 'in your deepest pain, in your weakest hour, in your darkest night..."

"you are lovely." Kanda gave a small smirk nodding at the memory.

Lavi awed watching Allen carefully, Lenalee smiling wiping away some tears at how adorable and sweet it was to hear Kanda having said something like that it was just so sappy but natural to hear that it was how Allen held on to life by recalling one of the things his love had said to him on night when he was in need. Allen shivered on hearing Kanda say the line that gotten threw almost everything it was one of the reason he couldn't stay with them, he did fail he did break he was putting them at risk he was already struggling so hard not to hurt them he need to finish then suggest that the go to bed for the night in order to run if he stayed any longer he could never live with himself.

"it still stands moyashi it will always be true." Kanda spoke seeing Allen retreating mental.

"Johnny what is your question." Allen spoke suddenly.

"mines not really a question but a request... please stop clawing me..."

"stop playing with my ears when I'm half asleep, I'm cant sleep due to …. I can only get to half asleep I'm fully aware of everything you running test to see my reactions has me recall some other tests your lucky I haven't plucked out your eyes seeing you don't heal like a Noah" Allen spoke brutally Lenalee's eyes flying open before turning to scold Johnny

"Allen are you ok?" Lavi spoke moving closer as the sliver shifted back to sand cat.

"I'm tired I suggest you go to bed so I can rest."

Kanda's eyes snapped open feeling Allen soft fluffy body moving against him the teen smiling momentarily think that Allen was moving to curl up by his side like the boy used to only to bite back a yelp as sharp fang dug deep into his wrist jerking backwards the fluff ball still on his arm giving a faint hiss s Neah materialised garbing Allen and throwing him across the room a tiny yelp echoing waking Lenalee the only other light sleeper in the group.

"Allen? What's going on?"

"**Kororo stop this right now do you want Allen o cry! If you hurt them he will he'll cry and cry and might even stop listening to you."** Neah spoke sternly standing in front of the two exorcist.

"No want Len cry me no make Allen cry! They die smell bad like freaky man one kill protect Len!"

"**they have innocence, kokoro nor are they like that inspector, no killing them Allen cares for them."**

"Lie! They Die where that bad cloth, kill them and keep Allen safe!" the soft voice echoed from the sand cat fur on end in fury.

"**if you hurt them Allen will cry. You don't like it when Allen cries are you going to make him cry again! They where that so bad man two will try to hurt them instead of normal people the can get rid of it if it disturbs you so much kokoro but I will not just watch you kill those Allen clung to life to see again!"**

"I don't want to make Allen cry kokoro love Allen, no make him cry, but…"

"**your not kill them kokoro and with these one's if you touch their innocence they will die and that will make Allen cry, now go to sleep and let Allen get some rest, promise me you wont try something like this again."**

"fine, kokoro make deal but if they make kokoro's Allen cry they die." The small thing lowered his hackled curling into a ball on the floor.

"**sorry about that, that was the Heart honestly it was easier dealing with road as a child… the heart maybe a living innocence but its relying on instinct and the mind of a small child. That instinct is mainly kill or be killed and your wearing and have the same minor scents that your bastard inspector has, the order uniform the scent of chemicals mixed with akuma oil and ash, don't worry kokoro's speaking with your innocence now this wont happen again unless you throw a heap f others who's face arn't as known to kokoro threw Allen's mind." **Neah yawned his ghost like appearance flickering before fading out Kanda carefully picking his moyashi up cradling him, Allen shifting off the boys chest to snuggle against pandas shoulder purring him his sleep.

"aww" Lenalee smiled pulling out her mini camera that she had one her at all times always wanting to be read for cute moments like this, seeing the two asleep yet curled into each other a smile resting on pandas lips at the faint purring against his throat one of pandas hands lifted to pet Allen gently in his sleep.

Lavi was first to wake in the morning quickly preparing a large mass breakfast choosing foods he knew Allen loved along with ones that hi new form could eat, Neah joining him in the process the pair chatting as Neah informed him of the minor incident during the night the pair talking naturally focusing not on personal view but more bookman related topics while checking up on Kanda and Allen both awing at the pair still in the position Lenalee left them, link waking to join them viewing the lovers and work on some extras before preparing lunch and dinner and putting them in a variety of bento boxes along with snacks and sweets.

"wow your really good at this hey is that a character bento omg it is dude that's so bloody cool!" Lavi's booming voice, waking Kanda and Lenalee, but only the female exorcist moved Kanda refusing to wake Allen and felt to relaxed to have the boy… kitten by his side once more.

"hush Lavi let Allen sleep dammit you heard he has problems with getting rest. Link that looks fantastic"

"I decided to so we know who's gets what depends on the image, Lavi your image is a dragon it the foods got that its yours, Allen's food I normally mark with timcampy, Jhonny's has the flowers this is due to his parents having a flower store, Lena I've been meaning to ask koumirin or a butterfly?, Kanda's I'm laving alone, while my own is generally birds and other easy pictures." Link explained calmly.

"you can really make a koumirin meal that I have to see I chance to destroy it with no one getting hurt sounds just what I need right now." Lenalee smiled pouring out coffees. "Neah can you tell me why Allen has sleeping problem?"

"**the cat senses are still too high hews yet the full chance to get used to them, shared hearing sharpen smell and taste make along with the mix of fears and his constant attempts to continue moving are driving his instincts flight or freeze, the stress isn't helping this is added to his mas of nightmares and own mind betraying him with the worse what if scenarios due to his constant fear of being touched add with the earls constant attempts to drag him back for more tests… each time I've mentioned returning to the order he and kokoro panic due to what that monster did he hooked the room up with distorted audio taking words out of context and pitching them higher so it sound like you lot where all glad to be rid of him. then there's a rough living innocence dangerous and out to kill the heart annoying monster…"**

"defiantly, sorry I forgot to mention is dangerous because its has the the same absorbing thing Allen's got but instead of it merging with the innocence it destroys it, it attacked Allen while pretending to be a cardinal it killed road who broke into Allen cell while I was their to shield Allen from it leviers friends with it." Link hissed annoyed with his former idol.

"geez, moyashi he really is Mr unlucky…" Lavi sighed taking sip of his coffee.

Kanda smacking the boy in the back of the head dressed in a simple black shirt and pant Allen's front two paws and head stick out from the shirts pocket cutely Kanda having returned the large red ribbon to Allen's throat hiding the mass of collar that the boys innocence had formed, the small sliver eyes taking a sleepy glare at Lavi before yawning leaning into pandas petting. Sending the group into a mass aww finally waking Johnny

"what was that for?"

"you insulted My moyashi baka usagi and you guys woke him up by talking about what ever that thingy was called."

"its not exactly innocence link… its been feeding on dark matter as well its no longer innocence its more like dark matter it's a grey form like me…. kokoro showed me once that its host was about to become a fallen one so instead it killed its host and took its form." Allen spoke in between yawns as Kanda gently put him on the table before the tiny exorcist moved to start on his food going right for hi dango lick and nibbling his food timidly s the others sat down to eat.

"so then after here where you trying to get to anywhere Allen?"

" I was focusing on finding innocence, I thought it would help if the innocence was bound to me less town would be in danger, all but Tyki and the earl ignore me. at the same time I've been trying to loss Johnny and link while avoiding you guys…" Allen spoke pain shimmering in his eyes already on his 33rd plate of food.

"why?"

"I'm not stable and in my current state I can fight a level ten akuma and win in under a few seconds I'm forever blanking out and having flash backs and I could kill all of you in that state, what I said to Johnny was true my cell was filled with eye balls I tore out of Tyki and the earls faces, the cat instinct are stronger then my own and my innocence is ripping innocence from other object and people. I'm dead, I died and you had years to move on and you did the first time I saw you three not to long ago in Australia I'm the reason you didn't find an innocence I'll admit I nearly ran to you.

But I didn't want to hurt you the fact the order handed me over to the earl after it rang their own experiments on my hurt I cant forgive, forget or even return to the order nor will my innocence let me that time Neah ordered me to go but then I saw you lot smile and I couldn't not only did I falter by my collar latched onto a root and tied me to it till we couldn't hear you any more. This will be the tenth time we gone different paths each time I trick he akuma so you follow them away from the innocence while I take it and fend off the yokai and the fourth time I've been human and still decided not to relive myself, once or twice I found you napping and so I went over made sure you had supplies and a map and gone over to mugen, each innocence that return to the heart gives its power to me as a proxy accommodation"

"shit Allen" Link spoke harshly.

"one of the abilities is being able to talk to innocence, id ask your innocence how you where doing make sure those back at the order hadn't died yet so I know that Miranda confidence has grown along with the fact she and krory are proud parents and that noise Marie and general kloud nine welcomed a little one, that both of them are accommodation while nighter are parasite types, I actually have their innocence I'm not myself I'm a danger to others there fore I stayed back, the fact that your not giving me any method to leave like I would like means your going to have to put up with me as is."

"calm down moyashi breathe now then what's with the human one minute kitten the next."

"its Allen bakanda, I can turn back and forth of will but it hurts I tend to pass out…"

"**the second method hurts but no passing out is due to Yokai's, Allen tends to remain cat its easier to run and hide in, it also means hews forever getting more kind humans dote on him and fed the cute widdle kitty where as human more are prone to attacking needlessly."** Neah grinned ignoring Allen's minor glare as Allen finished eating piles upon piles of licked clean dishes filling the small room Johnny and Lenalee starting to clean.

"yet your being more docile then Ives seen you in months."

"I'm not being docile I'm being resentfully Kanda tied his on me, it's a tracer and tasser I'm going to kill cross and Koumi for building this, I cant remove it but it will stretch if I shift forms, the centre of the bow although its blends in the light it appears gold and has a what once expects to see on a cat tag on it, name, owners name, phone number which is timcampy number its finger print sensitive only the builder or the one who put it on can remove it and if he touches it creates a lead, I read crosses blue prints the fact the innoncece has expected it and obeyed uncle Neah's minor commands into bells attacked to the damn thing. Ives never liked my free will being taken or suppressed nor enjoyed feeling like I was someone property I got sick of that long before I met mana and cross knows that." Allen seethed sliver eyes narrowed into slits.

"**Allen calm down, thought you left out another two things about the two switching backs one you end up naked and two if you do it then you've never success fully been able to you general have your ears and tail with pupils remain."** Came the boys uncle attempt to change topics as Kanda petted him gently waiting for his lover to calm down before popping him back into the padded shirt pocket the silvery kitten melting into the strong steady heart beat.

"sorry, that is one of the reason why I didn't want to involve you until I felt more in control of myself my mood swings are never stable long and I don't like looking weak to other even before the order I was like that I wanted to wait till I could fully go back to how I used to they way mana wanted me to act." Allen muttered as Kanda moved to pet him.

"Allen its ok where not leaving you got it, now then Kanda you have some splanning to do." Lavi smiled dangerously annoyed for being left out of the loop for so long.


	2. Chapter 2

A-

"It was before I returned to the order I found Cross also hiding in there he was able to save Alma who wanted the three of us to return to the order, Cross said no. he speculated that you wouldn't be at the order much longer he knew about that thingy having moved to target the moyashi and also had talked to road about breaking you out and telling you to run for it. Alma decided then for us to spilt up cross went back to Anita she's alive, that's where he's running base I thought I could get there first arrived and was lied to about your death cross snorted at that."

"knew he wasn't dead, how's Alma doing?" Allen poke from the pocket.

"traumatized cross has him going any where he thought you'd go, he's spent the last few years following the trail of debts, going to the houses with lovers of cross that you liked, mothers place, mana's grave, any place around the world that has all you can eat for free. While I've been stuck at the order trying to sneak people out when ever I can I send them to Anita's and she smuggles them out book man's part of this he's trying to get he's supplying cross with information, Actually that's why the three of us are on this mission I got told by Koumi to sneak Lenalee out on this trip its high enough levelled that bastard wont notice if we lost a high powered exorcist or two. Revver's waiting in London for you Lena and Lavi if he cant act like you died on the mission."

"and if Allen was found then what Kanda, I swear I'm going to kill my brother!"

"Lena he's worried abut you, the orders not safe… it was something 'he' boasted about he wants to replicate what he did to Allen but to do that he needs to do the same to Hev first that failed." Link growled lightly laying a hand on the Chinese girls shoulder.

"of course it failed theirs no unbound innocence at the base any more Hev synced it all to me we put fake ones in the slots and she is no longer an accommodate but the changes that her body where to much for me to reverse I was to out of it and the only way to fix her form is for both of us to focus on what she looks like originally I was to find a photo of her and try to use the heart to coax her innocence to restore her but I cant find it when ever I ask where it was its voice gets drowned out by the other 77 innocence on me plus I've been collected another 13 daily since I checked last I thought if I waited till the heart was whole then id try again…" came the soft yet bitter reply.

"the hearts not whole?" Lavi spoke up blinking.

"the myth that if you destroy the heart all innocence breaks is jut that a Myth, the heart isn't the strongest innocence but one of the creators of innocence. It's the same method the earl uses to make akuma… you have a main crystal that the ancient civilisation chipped up and mined. Parasitic types are made like in the case of Krory the innocence was in a man-eating flower when it bite him it was passed on, its my fault that he's an exorcist the plant was one cross had... it used to bite me I was in charge of it its carer that's why it had innocence it was passed from me, ground zero. Most innocence relaxes once near a heart beat like humans, it needs heat innocence can be found in plant, in any place with the sun weapons because of how often they are touched and used. In my search I've only found innocence it things that are used and touched often or are linked to something warm." Allen admitted gently.

"that's so cool."

"not really most of the time it can be vain such as Miranda's clock, it loves here it used to be in a mansion but akuma destroyed the place and each person who dare wind it called it trash, saying things like work you useless piece of junk, Miranda's different she care for it to near obsession so it tried to help her but like all innocence it doesn't know how to help. It doesn't understand people which is why it trapped her in that nightmare of the same day. It's a lot like her the reason she cant fully use it is due to it panicking and getting flustered worried that it will make her panic, its one of the most talkative ones I've talked to. Krory's innocence is keeping it on track like Krory dose her thought you lot have met his innocence he's a case where in battle the innocence takes over control of its host which is why Krory has memory problems when the battles over but its relaxing to work with its accommodate."

"go on Allen this is really interesting I bet half the science departments would kill to hear this." Johnny smiled warmly.

"I know the pass out part due to that being something the clown crown does if I get knocked out in a fight that I care about."

"seen it." Kanda muttered cutting off Allen.

"Matle? Thought so it also admitted to fight elide Krory's ex, mana my adopted father and another one hundred odd mission the majority being ones during my child hood. The heart was suppressing itself trying to keep me out of danger but the clown crown did attack without activating the ones that came when I was little pre mana time that was due to mana knowing the ways around akuma, he was Neah's and the Earl's brother but his innocence was broken when they where kids."

"**Mana and the earl threw me are half brothers, our father had a wife a girlfriend and a mistress each of them had a child in the same hospital they met during a child birthing class wife and mistress died in child birth my mother the youngest raised us, she became a nun mana was a sickly child he was premature, he did get better but Adam was jealousy. I preferred being around Mana he taught me how to play the piano he was brilliant we often sung together Adam was more sporty I didn't mind much bit id get tired and scurry back so mana wasn't left out. My mother had an older sister that had kids and she adopted another when the three of us moved out, mana wanted to go into acting while I and cross were trying to decode some old runes to mixing it with modern tech's to make timcampy and Lero as xmas gifts. Adam saw some of the trail work and took it in his own direction."**

"akuma." Lenalee spoke coldly not blaming the Noah.

"**yep, he tried to bring back dad, in front of my mom killed her I the process Mana ended its existence and Adam took off after blaming mana like a child. On xmas he called me he wanted me to meet his family this was two years later I went. He had road and her pet kitten in a cage taken them both and injected them with his blood but it made him too weak to make Noah's and akuma. He was searching threw our dads history road was kidnapped as a baby, parents murdered she's our niece, our dad had a one night stand she kept the kid and her daughter married well and gave birth to road the Noah family is made up from that how closely related they are to our father… he chained me to a wall and so he didn't have to use his own blood to awaken the Noah genes within our family threw dad."**

"he was a rapist?"

"**yes again Lenalee, but never convicted he would wait a month of 'dating' before having sex that way it was considered consensual plus why would he leave his dear wife of three years who had a baby on the way? that was manas mother, adam began using my blood that way the family could be one when road turned four she was mentally a teenager she used copied the ark, my ark to get me to cross and mana but it was pretty much to late I bleed out in front of mana, I told the dog I gave him before my kidnap to make sure he always kept walking, sweet little thing English Foxhound not that big I had taught it to keep mana company."**

"that dog its how I met mana, and why I was named. Mana was part of circus with his dog one of the other clowns a fire breather with a temper, cosimo he used to coax the others in the circus to use me for what whatever the wanted, punch bag sex toy being just two of the things he was the ringleaders son but mana was the one people cared for he was overly kind and his dog just added to it cosimo tried to make me feed him glass I refused after that damn thing wouldn't leave me alone one afternoon he didn't come over to me I went looking for him find cosimo finishing it off I got in the way so he took the rest of his tantrum on me when I woke I went to mana and helped him dig his grave."

"you mentioned he was why you where named yet you dodged its own name." link spoke instantly

"That's because Mana's dog was named Allen, I was named after the dog partially cause I wanted to recall how kind and stubborn it was and how it didn't give up on me. the other half cross thinks it was due to mana going nuts… laugh all you want I'm a cat named after a dog… I never mentioned it at the order due to mana being the reason I could read the writing in the ark mana taught it to me as a children's game…" Allen spoke head hung in defeat and sorrow.

"**I had been linked to Allen long before they met and I decided to stay dormant mana didn't know I was there, I didn't want him to ignore a small child to focus on me mana never did he adored Allen without ever knowing I was watching from a very big very safe distance. I could have strangled cross if I didn't accidentally seal myself in too deep."**

The room fell silent before Lenalee re rounded on Kanda. "what where you to do it we ever found Allen, Yuu Marise Kanda."

"Three options, tag along with the moyashi is number one, two is finding Alma, and the final drag him kicking and screaming to cross before I have to return to the order and continue sneaking people out."

"id rather continue on my way and go find Alma. Give me half an hour and I'll be able to find him and make him stay put." Allen spoke yes shimmering slightly.

"how ? come on moyashi chan don't leave me hanging."

"I need half an hour because I need to be human to do it, so I don't panic Alma, but I can show you in this form first." Came a devious smile traced Allen's lips as he gently leapt from Kanda's shirt pocket shutting his eyes for a second Lavi giving sharp yelp as his innocence erupted tying him to the chair and floor with silvery feather like ribbons his own flame dragon his favourite stamp curling at his feet growling unmoving despite Lavi's own struggling, as black Allen's laughter came threw.

"Allen let me go and tell me how no more demonstrations!"

"I asked the innocence, I would use this to flee but mugen's one that I know would say no if I tried… but then I wouldn't ask mugen something like that, besides that would be dangerous knowing mugen's true form."

"true form?"

"ok so lavis has a dragon made of fire sitting at his feet and nobody notices? That's the true form of his innocence. As I said innocence can be vain so they liken themselves to look like supernatural creatures, such as a dragon a wyvern in Lavi's case, others aren't to bad Lenalee's is a fairy I think it looks almost like she's wearing what could pass as a ninja outfit. Lena's isn't her at the moment though I think she's at the order, Lavi's was sleeping still so I woke him up and asked him to make sure you stayed still while being safe. I'm going to do the same for Alma so warning in advance if I start screaming in agony and passed out…" Allen spoked softly before calling off the innocence.

Eyes shutting arching in pain as his bones poled and twisted slowly the skin retreating into the milky skin claws returning to human fingers, only the ears and tail remaining with the screams as Allen slumped twitching to the ground Kanda picking him up darting into the bed room laying a clanked on the bed before looking threw his clothing Lavi and link ducking into their rooms to look for suitable clothing. As Lenalee and Johnny keeping a close look over Allen's vitals, Neah taken a seat on the end gently humming to his nephew.

"ok so between this we've got a shirt, pants, underwear and a hat for him to wear." Link spoke softly "Neah?"

"**as Allen said he's only just started trying to change of his own will but then he's only been on his own two months the first was horrible he shut everything out like he did when mana died but it took road and wisely ranting and shaking him threw their combined dream and mental abilities to wake him, he's only started to try changing about five weeks ago the agony is unbearable he's doing rather well thought still needs more practice but this works well enough."**

"nghhhhhmmmm…." Sliver eye's blinked open instantly going blank jerking back wards into the mattress in terror Neah and Kanda gentle coaxing him into full awareness as the others moved away content to let the other two insure Allen got dressed.

Quickly the boy worked mentally tuning in on Alma's innocence and asking it to keep Alma safe but within the small town glad that it was close with merely being a place that had a celebration time with free food to anyone who could eat every single meal in under ten minutes, making sure to in sure the innocence wouldn't pin the poor second exorcist some place dangerous or hard to explain. Example middle of a street , the innocence had given what felt like it rolled his eyes at his request but that was normal for older more sentient innocences like the heart was tired and lonely while the rest where like hyperactive children older innocence saw him like a babysitter who had been hog tied by their wards while the kids (younger innocence) helped themselves to sugar and explosives.

"Alma's half an hour away next town over, the lotus festival there a thing run by every single shop that if you can eat every single thing they can cook in under ten minutes its fee plus the pay you $100 for eating, during the night there's gambling. Many world champions of food eating contests come and will do gambling of who'll win the next day the several thousand losers then will hand over any and all alcoholic beverages to the winner, one of the shop owners is a bit like jerry."

"wait that's in XXXXXXXX right? Jerry has family there, a younger brother Terry."

((AN- im sorry I just had to go there, I know its cliché but it fits with the storyline I promise))

"oh dear god…." Allen muttered eyes widening at Lenalee's exclamation the others moving to leave the quicker they got to Alma the quicker they could work out what on earth they where going to do and knowing Allen get food and souvenirs for everyone they cared for.

"have you seen this boy." Kanda growled at the twenty first innkeeper.

"nono guests no paye for guests!"

"is. He. Here." Kanda glared harder.

The innkeeper babbled, Allen sighing pushing his way in front of Kanda.

"Dorian, its ok we'll paye extra for our stay."

"Ah Allen~! Long time no meet you know 'im?"

"aye were heading to the festia no renge, bossy isn't here just me and some of my friends, one came got on the wrong train and came a bit to early is he here?" Allen grinned calmly the innkeeper grinned and relaxing nodding.

"he is up in the loft was searching many are waiting to see you once more no thugies bad for business, see the sights this time."

"we will, thank you Dorian may we go up?" Allen smiled the man nodding handing them a handful of keys.

"free, free for you and companions owe you for keeping this town together."

The group blinked after each being hugged and shoved towards the stairs asides Allen you ducked under the man, going to Alma's picking the door worried where the innocence had tied the other teen up in, get ready to face anything as he entered not seeing Alma at first before noticing the door way to a bathroom partially open before groaning.

"Yami no Tora let him go now!" Allen half growled his cat ears picking up Alma's bathtub struggles.

A rush of air ripped threw the room cutting Allen's check.

"Real mature, you say I'm a brat yet you attack me when I stop you from harming the one 'stupid' human you care for now stop this temper tantrum, I don't like this any more then you do however that doesn't mean we cant find a common ground, and if you use another wind scythe on me I will not be able to keep kokoro calm I'm already suppressing her, so please listen to me …" Allen spoke calmly swaying slightly into Kanda's arms the attack halting as water splashed as Alma scrambled for a towel.

"Oi I found moyashi! Need me to throw some clothes in I've got tag alongs and moyashi's well you'll see when you get out."

Alma was back into the main room within minutes a small smile on his face before it faded seeing Allen panting the others crowded around him doing there best to help ease what even pain he was going threw.

"**Allen change back rest and hour then shift back to human we'll wake you for tea please you still cant handle this kind of strain and yelling and fighting with two high powered innocence was never going to end well. Allen focus your safe come on please not now not again…"** Neah spoke watching his nephews eyes roll back as he reverted back into a sand cat.

"yuu- kun I believe you have some splannin' to do."

"we found him, both the earl and that fucking levier rang human experimentation and according to Allen he died in the earls care so the dumb twit tried to relive the Noah in Allen like this but the innocence went to and some how Allen ended up being revived as well." Kanda spoke bluntly trying to bring down the small felines temp.

"how long has he been running around and what's he been doing."

"**my nephews been obeying his innocence seeking out bits to restore the true heart the base of the heart has always been in him, he's been out for two months a few trustworthy Noah broke him out under the earls nose. Allen spent the first month unresponsive merely acting on the cat senses and need for survival that was until road and wisely the Noah's of dreams and wisdom managed to coheres his mind back into the front, mentally he's not fully al there yet he's often suffers flash backs over minor things. He's still getting used to the new body and his powers each innocence that returns to the heart he as Allen put it acts as a mass accommodation, the switching of forms is something I've been coaxing him to try over the last few weeks he fears the order as much as he dose the Noah's now thus no force on earth will have him return there I've tried. But the heart kokoro chan refuses to let anyone wearing the uniform near him."**

"one of the few times to be glad to have YOUR curse Alma." Kanda muttered fingering the unblemished skin that had been bitten by the small sleeping sand cat Alma nodding not even questioning the Noah merely taking it in stride while hugging each of the small group of Kanda's friends or at least the few Kanda trusted with him and Allen.

Alma nodded eyes flickering sadly before turning back to Allen gently petting the small cat a faint smile on his lips, as Johnny and link started to spilt the stuff over into the different rooms deciding to leave the three only Lavi grinning before pulling Lenalee into the town wanting to do some sight seeing before getting to work, taking the chance to have a date without anyone or anything their to watch them. It was one of the many things that had changed over the years not only where missions harder and no accommodates nor innocence had been found more people vanished presumed dead or really had died. Levier had taken over crows and goloms where set to stalk each exorcist to keep them focused on the war, it was killing moral and setting everyone's nerves on it had been bad to start with but now their was truly no hope ever since Kanda and Alma left and Allen vanished no one not even those whom had dared insult Allen could find anything worth fighting for.

Allen was the light of the order he gave them hope the fact that he was the heart just further proved it. They missed and need him so bad, yet at the moment Allen needed them more then the other way around the order held o much pain too many secrets for the small frail teen they had driven him away and sold him. thus they need to get him back get the fun loving smile back they had to help him in any way they could, which was one of the reason they where checking the town over very carefully so they could be certain Allen would be safe while they got some time to relax and reminisce. Lavi ginning pulling Lena a touch closer his girlfriend grinning leaning against him contently, the pair smiling before focusing making there own plans of action after all this was a war so they would focus on their real fight for freedom, family, friends and finally for peace.

"hey Allen…. Thank you for not telling him.." Alma smiled seeing the sliver eyes flicker open.

"it wasn't something I was meant to, that's why I sent him with you. he's yours."

"he's yours as well sweetie you know that, right?"

Allen flinched moving shakily to his feet stretching the cat instincts causing him to start washing his face, before leaping to the floor silently in order to shift weakly dressing with Alma's help. Before laying back down panting trying to focus.

"Allen I mean it."

"where is he at the moment?"

"finishing Lenalee's and Lavi's sweep of the city with link shadowing him Jhonny's put bet on both of us and Lenalee and Lavi have retired to their sound proof room. Come on tell me what's wrong and what your planning dearest."

"its nothing I'll survive. As for planning I intend to act as normal for this town there's an innocence I'll collect then ii intend to vanish Kanda's not the only one able to track me I don't wish to put this town in jeopardy due to the likes of me." came the soft bitter sound.

"Allen come on you can tell me please tell me…"

"What are you two chitchatting about!" a slight stern voice echoed from the door as Kanda entered shrugging of his thick jacket and shoes before placing mugen near the bed.

" ' Nothing. ' "

Came the unison blended reply causing Kanda to fold his arms and raise an eyebrow frowning ever so slightly, yeah like he was going to believe that, one of them would crack sooner or later he'd find out so it was normally better for them to spill it now that way there was less of a chance of him over acting and hurting them by mistake. Allen managed to hold out without a single sign of giving up any time soon causing the Japanese by to smirk inwardly yes that was his Allen the one that wouldn't back down and could stand against him without fear of defeat or pain, Alma on the other hand was already slightly nervous the slightly dark boy have never being able to lie to him directly never had the by succeeded Allen on the other hand probably could get away with lying to him every so often but in a scenario where both would not only be worried about hiding what ever it was from him but also be worrying if the other would break.

"It's-about-your-past." Alma spoke too fast.

Allen merely sighed bowing his head deciding that it was Alma's story to tell in the first place.

"Kanda I'm not the exact person your looking for, yes you looked for me but I was never the final destination." Alma started softly moving to sit on the window still.

"and you moyashi."

"I see akuma souls despite only being part akuma there's enough akuma blood in Alma's system during that fight for me to see the soul of the woman in the dress you've been looking for."

"you have spent all this time looking for your lover but somewhere along the way you got confused and believed it was me, yes you wanted to find me I knew where your lover was hiding out. My brother was trying to protect you, from the order and everything else at the time there was just so much happening at the time. Much like now."

"spill now."

"your gay always have been just like Mugen's always been with you and I've always loved you like a brother, Arron he always stood out being albino in the motherland. Arron Hikari Kokoro Karama Arron was a nickname and insult as everyone always believed my twin was a Gaijin. There was a Noah man in the town similar bone structure but he wasn't kin. Ka-sama did her best to protect us, she explained that are father died fighting the Noah a monster named Adam, Oto-sama was a friend to your family our mothers being the only widows with children kept us together as kids running a herbal store using crushed flowers, using the lotus as a base our fathers knew each of us where accommodate two paras and a equip. I had a talent of changing lives with flowers not that I knew that. When we where teens you admitted to loving Hikari and he accepted until he found out something that spooked him so he fled and hid hoping they wouldn't trace us in the process." Alma spoked calmly looking at the moon as Allen remained head bowed as Kanda's eyes narrowed further.

"let me guess that bullshit you where sprouting to each other was over the moyashi being the reincarnation, clone, robot, golom, innocence time line altered version of my true lover who has always being my dopey martyr moyashi." Kanda finally spoke arms still folded firmly against his chest. "And that the moyashi for some reasons planning the same bullshit of running or has Some how put the idea of me not like him in his head added to the whole 'he thinks he loves you he was looking for you you cant have him its better this way' Crap."

Both boys winced giving the tiniest of nods, heads bowed until Kanda sighed pulling both boys close hugging them gently rolling his eyes.

"you to numb skulls… I don't give a shit about that crap just that you two are safe."

Allen gave a soft empty laugh pulling away from Kanda taking Alma's earlier position at the window still letting the chilling bitter laughter fill th room softly yet still seeping with danger refusing to let the others near enough to heart his pain masking it with bitterness. Both boys trying to move closer only to have the molten sliver glare turned on them mixed with Allen's slight smirk, the chuckles leaving him dangerously worse then the rage of black Allen after Lavi dared tried to get out of paying after a loss he had been found handing naked by his hair from highest point in the order in the middle of winter the everything but the eye patch had been sold with book man's fully agreement Lenalee only saving few things she deemed necessary the rest had been auctioned to the highest bidders under strict order to never return anything they bought to Lavi after the 2 dozen finders and head nurse got him down and treated the several dozen bruises inside and out Allen had left on the apprentices book man.

"Allen?" "Moyashi?"

"safe? How utterly hilarious since when has safety been any goal or objective, I've never been safe. What part of me ever made you think I need to be kept Safe? Don't patronise me there is nothing that can protect me nor would I want it."

"Arren… that's not-" Kanda started.

"Yuu meant? I know Bakanda, I know exactly what you meant. Do you really think me that naive that I'd blush if someone mentioned sex that if you asked to kiss me or merely did id whimper and turn away since when did you think so low of me? I don't want nor need you pathetic attempt at pity you lousy fucker, as I said YOU'RE THE one who said no strings, I never wanted strings nor will I ever need something as weak as Love. This is a war, focus on it take your attention off the likes of me and get back to your real job."

Kanda's jaw slackened in horror listening to the soft poison like words Allen was half purring his tail whipping like a metronome diamond shaped pupils mere thin lines of hatred and self-loathing. Alma's wasn't fairing much better this was Allen walker the kid who tilted his head adorable and had to ask Lenalee (puppy eyed her to death) to learn what seme, uke, sm, and a blowjob meant, yet here the teen was vulgar and cruel spitting words in a way that just didn't suit him.

"Arren…" Kanda tried again again cut off.

"I'm not done yet, I'm not something worth protecting, I'm nothing. I've Always been nothing the sooner you realise you have nothing to gain from being in my presence the better off you are. I'm not precious, I'm hideous, I'm a freak, there's no Desire to be free or safe or cared for I've never need it in the past so you and the rest can shove the crap your weakly attempting to feed me up your arse. I'm not pure or innocent I've never been. Now besides what on earth makes you believe that some form of us remaining as fuck buddies would work. What part of I'm dead and tormenting this poor powerless animal don't you get, I'm Dead this isn't my body, my soul was forced into without my will I feel like a fucking akuma in this state. I Am Dead I've seen my corpse Kanda Yuu, what do I have to do to get that threw your thick empty head!" Allen seethed.

"Arren."

"Do you want to hear how I died would that help you~ will that prove that I'm tainting to tainted for even the likes of you to degrade yourself by even looking in my direction. I said I died earlier in the earls care did I not, did you know the Noah rebelled that they tried to free me in the first week yet they had a traitor in their mist. Did you know that traitor I dint tell the earl but lied to protect the other Noah's? That they single handedly hurt each of them and pined it on me? I recall ever seconds worth of the agony. I recall watching road be tied to an electric chair, I recall jasdevi being thrown into an iron maiden and how their screams blended to mask my own, I watched as wisely was tripped into a sealed air lock I watched as he healed over and over from oxygen deprivation, I cried out as Shirley begged his twin to stop while his flesh was seared off in a vat of molten metal, how the remaining Noah lied helplessly on the ground their spines turned to dusts as their guts spilled into the pool of blood."

"Arren!"

"I recall weakly fighting, I felt it as my skin was peeled off my innocence arm skinned like a rabbit, I lost my voice as my own skin was forced down my mouth after two years of being starved. I felt my heart speed up causing more blood to cascade to the floor, I didn't feel it when my pelvis shattered due to several vertebra being crushed to dusts due to Tyki's movements, I watched as my cursed eye was eaten by Tease over and over due to the damn thing trying to heal itself. Did you know the earl used to read my autopsy report out loud to me~ I died due to being raped, the bone fragments being pushed into my organs due to Tyki's unstopping forcefully thrusts the blood loss and my speeding heart beat allowing the toxic stomach acid to spread quickly into my blood stream as each thrust another vertebra was pulverised~ that it took fourteen hours before my mind spilled into the darkness. I enjoyed as it went numb the pain merely slipping away the tears exciting him to go faster and harder to the point he tore my left leg out of it socket and onto the floor to get in deeper as my body relaxed unable to fight or move as my mind screamed in terror as my heart and soul begged for something that god denied as he rightfully should. I didn't deserve even and ounce of what my feeble pain torn mind weakly called for."

"Allen!"

"it was so warm and pretty the way my blood stained the room, the fact that people got to watch as I smiled while I died while Tyki cradled me against him petting my hair soothingly as he hummed me to sleep promising that it was fine to rest now that I was finally free, I recall when I woke in the cat cage not minutes after lull bell apologised for failing before her Master called her, how Tyki came in and fed me apologising for making me cry, gently playing with my new sensitive ears I felt his huge warm hand run down my cheek before he opened me up once more as a sex toy it felt like he speared threw my tiny body I barely was big enough to sit in his hand let alone his big gross thing I recal the earl watching him climax into and inside of my fur how the cat in me instantly begin to lap it all up trying to clean my fur, the earl praised Tyki before running the first of countess 'test's tests that always ended and begun with Tyki Mikki. I recall begging something I once swore never to resort to I knew better then to ask for foolish things but I could stop speaking begging for it to end, for them to stop, being for more, agreeing to each filthy term they called me like one of he ten cent whores cross adores so much, yet I was a freebie for Tyki and the earl. I recall at one stage them preformed a threesome using me after they tried to cut me in half to see how far innocence would go to keep this body wanting oxygen." Allen continued a clown grin on his face as empty snow orbs watched only the moon still speaking in the same soft silken suffering.

Kanda stopped calling stopped trying to bring 'his' Allen back threw his voice the pain ran too deep for that one day it would work but not today nor any time soon the Japanese teen ending the tearing teens faked laughter the kind that sarcasm in its false purity begged to be noticed, as Alma sobbed trembling mentally feeling each disgusting detail Allen described as if it had been done to himself rather then the angel like boy bathed in the full moon the only light in amongst a storm no thunder no lighting just the large forbiddingly cold moon surrounded in the teary skies the first thunder clap coming from the small room as tanned calloused form years of hard training collided with allen's face pushing the boy into the window frame.

"ALLEN FUCKING MOYASHI WALKER LISTEN TO ME KAMI DAMNIT! Your Are Beautiful, Your heart your kindness how you stand up for what you believe in. The way you light up room without even trying, the way that even when you get knocked face first into the mud of defeat and anguish but you get up and fight on, You Are Worth Dying For the way you NEVER STOP WALKING. The way you continue you stupid promise like it was something the gods themselves proclaimed, the way you never break your promises! Now I know you lay in bed contemplating your own death well just look at what you've done And DON'T YOU DARE FORGET THE SUN LOVE! You're the reason Miranda and krory had their baby girl Allena Lotto-Alistar Why brother named his child Ellen. You're the reason the orders is clinging for survival to see you again to make up for failing to protect you dispite how you sought to protect and defend all of us!" Kanda yelled watching as tears fell from Allen's eyes holding his arms open not so Allen could chose to cling to him if he wanted to smiling when the boy latched himself to his shirt muffling his crying.

"you two rest I'll keep the others away in the morning." Alma spoke hugging the two before Kanda gently picked Allen up and curled up by his side in the small bed cradling Allen on his chest.

"In your deepest pain, in your weakest hour, in your darkest night you Are lovely my moyashi." Kanda murmured feeling Allen relax melting into his arms nodding meekly the tears still falling but sniffling as the started to draw back so Allen would still have tears left to shed but not any time soon if the Japanese teen had anything to say about it.

"hush and shoo down stairs, they need all the rest they can get…" Alma murmured opening the door before they could knock.

"what's wrong?" Lenalee murmured once they were far enough a way.

"Allen had a break down last night, during it he told us how he died in vivid detail… the Noah's rebelled asides Tyki. Tyki attacked and paralysed the other Noah before torturing him, apparently the earl used to read out the autopsy afterwards, Allen's official cause of death was due to bone fragments from a shattered pelvis being forced into his organs these fragment pierce his stomach leaking acids into his blood stream his fear and pain speeding his heart thus the poisons moved faster other damages where his arm being skinned eyes eaten by tease leg torn off and a good majority of vertebra being crushed into dust due to Tyki's ruthless attack." Alma stated trying to act cold.

Lavi and link being the first to realise the the most likely method for these wounds each getting equally pissed off, Lavi actually standing with a snarl.

"sit down it took Kanda actually talking to get Allen to snap out of his breakdown before I sent them to bed, they need rest."

"Lavi what's wrong tell me what happened."

"its my fault not lavi's… the actual cause of death is death by brutal rape, which means we cant let him anywhere near cross until he's truly back on his feet, no letting he see Noah's, true only Tyki and the earl harmed him willingly but I doubt the rest managed to avoid Allen completely while trying to hell him over the timespan 2.5 years. Lets focus today on letting Allen relax and a chance to do the same." Alma spoke sadly as the room feel into a minor silence before Lavi and Lenalee's eyes sparkled.

"then lets get started, there's five breakfasts bars open with the eat it all under ten and you pay for nothing, then we found yesterday a small ossen its authentic book man knows the family that owns it, theirs also a parade and then ten lunch deals then we can go shopping for supplies and clothing for Allen." Lavi grinned deciding to let Lenalee and Alma wake the dangerous duo.


End file.
